Advice to My Son Before He Leaves Home

Otherwise known as "you've got this"

I received an interesting email from my son’s English teacher his senior year of high school. They were reading Hamlet in class, and she wanted to personalize the scene in which Polonius gives advice to his son, Laertes before he leaves for France. She asked parents to write our child a letter full of the advice we’d spent seventeen years trying to impart. My writerly, parent brain loved this idea so much I thought I’d share my letter here.

 Advice to my son before he leaves home:

1.     Be kind. Your kindness to someone else will always make a difference.

2.     Give yourself time to sleep. You need it more than you think you do.

3.     Walk or run when you can. Make time to hike in nature. Movement will be a pressure valve release on stress.

4.     Drink water.

5.     Take a moment to photograph that sunset, or the cool cloud pattern, or even the interesting cornice on a building. Look up, notice things, find beauty around you, make a record of it.

6.     Spread your wet towels out to dry on a rack, or even the back of a chair. If you hang them on a hook, they’ll mold, and nothing gets that smell out. Ditto for your clothes.

7.     Use a condom.

8.     Be truthful. There’s nothing a lie won’t make worse, and nothing the truth won’t ultimately make better.

9.     Nurture your friendships. Share yourself with people, and be someone they trust.

10.   Fall in love with your best friend, or be best friends with the person you love. Tuck that advice away for the future and pull it out whenever you need it. Whoever he/she/they are will be the luckiest person in the world.

11.   Choose people you can laugh with, and make sure you like who you’re being when you’re with them.

12.   Send proof of life emojis to us. We miss you and wonder about your life. Know that we’re always here for you.

13.   Drink more water.

14.   A six-page paper takes two hours to write if you build it from the quotes up. Use Goodreads for the quotes.

15.   Nothing really important is retained after midnight the night before a test.

16.   Trust your instincts. They’re good ones.

17.   Be respectful. You never know when you’ll encounter that person again, or under what circumstances.

18.   If there’s something you want, go for it. Throw your hat over the wall, reach for it with both hands. You’re smart and capable – you’ll figure out how to get it.

19.   Read things, listen to things, write things, talk about things. Language and ideas connect us and make us interesting.

20.   Ask questions. Ask for help. People feel valued when they can contribute to someone else.

21.   You don’t have to know how to do a thing to say yes to it. You’re quick and clever. You’ll pick it up.

22.   You can make oatmeal, soup, tea, and noodles with an electric tea kettle. Carrots, beans, and pasta are cheap fuel, and bananas are a better value than granola bars.

23.   Be generous. If not with money, than with your time, knowledge, or even with smiles. Your help matters more than you know.

24.   Trust the universe. Have faith. Believe things will work out. Being positive is a stronger force in life than seems possible. *Refer to number 18.

25.   Home is always a safe place for you to come, rest, regroup, and decide what’s next in your life. You’ll always have a landing pad with us, and we love, trust, and believe in you without reservation.

26. You've got this.