Note to Self

In the event I have Grandchildren:

1.     When the baby is born, offer to take care of its parents. Walk the dog, cook, clean, make sure guests are fed. Take care of the parents so they can take care of their new baby.

2.     Take your cue from your kids. You can tell stories of what it was like when they were babies, but not as advice. You are not your kids – your circumstances were different, and you were a different parent than they will be. Let them find their way.

3.     Ask questions. “Do you prefer this? How can I support you with that?” Don’t assume you know best just because you were a parent too. Raising kids is alchemy, and every combination of elements is different.

4.     Look for the moments of being with babies that you’ve forgotten. Let them sleep on you, where do you really have to be that’s more important that connecting with that little person?

5.     See how long you can go without saying “no.” Clear a path of the dangers and let the crawler explore. There’s plenty of “no” in the world, it doesn’t have to come from you.

6.     Listen. Listen to your kids about how they parent. Listen to your grandchildren about who they are. Believe them. Trust them. Support them.

7.     Read out loud. Let them do whatever they’re doing, but join them in that room and read out loud while they do it. Eventually they’ll curl up next to you, but it’s okay if they don’t. If you choose stories you enjoy you’ll want to keep reading.

8.     Assume nothing and be deliberately inclusive in your language. Defaults about gender identity and sexual preference are just lazy and make you seem out of touch. Everything is a spectrum, especially children who are putting themselves together. Accept everything about them, and they will feel safe with you.

9.     FaceTime or Zoom with them, even if it’s just to read another chapter out loud. The more they’re used to talking to you, the more they’ll do it.

10.   Play a secret game with them. Hide a note in a book, a treasure in a pocket, have a running game of chess or checkers. Do something that just the two of you do, and do it every time you’re together. Have traditions that are just yours.

11.   Bake or cook with your grandkids. Teach them your recipes, even if you’re doing all the work. Bake bread and let them knead and roll. The best tasting bread is lopsided and fresh from the oven.

12.   Teach them about things you enjoy when they’re very small, then learn about the things they enjoy when they’re bigger. You’ll stay sharp because you’re learning, and they’ll notice your interest. It’s another way to connect.

13.   It’s a privilege to love and be loved by a child. Enjoy every minute of it.