Tracing Eyebrows and Soothing Touch

And other parenting lessons learned from self-indulgence

Life has been … a lot … recently, some involving my kids, although “a lot” is never actually about them. Things are what they are, so “a lot” is really just about how I’m processing and dealing and managing and coping with the things happening around me. And I’m doing pretty well, all things considered. The stress shows up in the usual ways, and I mostly ignore the symptoms (which on me tend to be skin and muscle related) until they fade into the background noise.

But I’m at my mom’s house for Spring Break, and the only facialist I trust is here, and my mom gave me a facial for my birthday, and lying on her table reminded me of some ways I’ve cared for my kids that I wanted to share.

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of getting a really good facial, you know how amazing it feels to have a face and neck massage. Even something as simple as having your eyebrows traced can be so soothing, and don’t even get me started on the scalp massage that a generous hairstylist does when they shampoo and condition your hair.

Kids, especially small ones who have trouble communicating exactly what hurts when they’re tired, or sick, or injured, or sad are especially susceptible to gentle, soothing touches on the face, eyebrows, scalp, and neck. Dehydration headaches can be managed with a gentle scalp massage while waiting for the baby aspirin to kick in, and a fever can often be soothed with a cool washcloth and a soft tracing of eyebrows.

I used to trace my kids’ eyebrows to get them back to sleep after a bad dream (another bad dream trick is to “brush” the dream away with a swipe of a hand on the pillow, then turn the pillow over so the dreams couldn’t get back in). During a recent panic attack (a story for a much longer post when it’s not quite so fresh), I watched my kid rub their own eyebrows as a way to attempt to self-soothe. When I took over the eyebrow tracing it seemed to allow for some calming and a little breath control, and I was ridiculously glad to have been able to contribute in a small way to a bit of comfort and connection.

I still occasionally get hugs from my adult and nearly adult kids, but those are mostly for me. The times I’m able to comfort them with touch now are centered around face, brows, scalp, and neck, and they’re all skills I learned from the capable hands of the people I allow to care for me since I’m an adult who doesn’t need care (which is a total lie, of course, but it’s the kind of lie we tell ourselves when we’re adulting). It’s pretty fascinating to realize that facialists and hairstylists are so often considered indulgences, when really, if you think about it, they’re just socially acceptable sources of soothing touch for self-sufficient adults. And when we take the skills we learn from them and apply them to our kids, we connect with them in a gentle way that carries forward past the age when they feel too old for parental hugs.